Today we're talking TANTRA, baby.
In this article, you'll learn how to tap into five tantric skills to make your sex life unforgettable, whether rolling solo or with a partner.
What is Tantra?
Tantra is a sexual practice rooted in a specific understanding of energy and rooted in meditation. This means that you're having sex with a greater intention of connection. Connection to your mind, body, and soul and your partners. Tantra, in Sanskrit, literally means 'woven together.
In other words, the string that holds together all the other strings — all the other energies in your life.
In a nutshell, this means:
1. Slow Down
The key to Tantra is to be in tune with yourself and your partner. It's about bringing an awareness of your body and mind into the sexual experience.
We must slow down so we can pay attention to what's happening. For example, if you're driving down the freeway at 80 km an hour, you cannot catch the little details of the flowers along the road. Slowing down allows us to get in touch with what's happening.
Not only does slowing down and tuning into your body make sex last longer, but you're also going to be more receptive to how it feels. So take the time to savour every sensation.
To get a little yogic on you: breath is the bridge between the conscious and the unconscious mind.
So much about tantric sex — and sex in general — has to do with breath.
Think back to the last time you had sex; whether with a partner or yourself, there were natural shifts in your breathing. Breathing increases when you're aroused. It gets even faster as you're close to orgasm. Think about the big, relieving breaths you take a right after you cum.
Paying attention to breathing and how it affects sexual arousal is one of the core elements of Tantra.
Breathing is also a great tool to stabilise and cool you down if you're getting close to orgasm before you and your partner are ready. Mastering breath can help you master your orgasms.
Being present in the moment is something we all struggle with.
We live in a world where screens surround us, a 24-hour news cycle, and a million different thoughts. Yet, we're so productive, we've got bills and deadlines and families. It's a lot. And with everything on our minds, it's hard to be.
If you think these distractions are not following you into the bedroom, my friend, guess again.
There's nothing worse than feeling like your partner is lightyears away during sex, even if it's just for a moment. So being present during sex is crucial to keeping any woman satisfied.
Not only will mindfulness improve your overall mood and sense of well-being… it'll also significantly impact your performance in bed.
And if you want to be more present during sex, the learning starts outside the bedroom. Here's how.
You'd be surprised by the power of a calming stroll through the neighbourhood or park. Take time to leave the stress and to-do lists behind and focus on a simple, repetitive task. Using all your senses, notice everything as it's taking place. The birds are singing, colourful flowers and surrounding nature, how your body moves as you put one foot in front of the other. See how good it feels to breathe, be, and have the rest melt away, even for 15 minutes.
Meditation has so many health benefits that it will follow you into the bedroom. The key to meditation is focusing on your breath and allowing your thoughts to pass by without clinging to them. There are some great meditation apps like Headspace or Calm. Or hundreds of free YouTube meditations.
That breath work we talked about earlier? Not just for the bedroom. It's great to take a few moments out of your day, put whatever you're doing on pause for a minute, and take a few deep, cleansing breaths.
4. See your Partner as a Divine Being
Every woman wants to be seen as a sex goddess—end of the story.
At its core, Tantra is a way to merge with the divine. Now for our purposes, it doesn't really matter where you land regarding spirituality. Treating your partner as a divine being is all about CONNECTION — creating a sense of deep intimacy.
Tantra isn't about gratifying yourself. It's about experiencing a deep and authentic bond with the person you're having sex with. It's about getting below surface level and merging with a person energetically.
When you look at sex this way, it sounds pretty magical. And that's what connecting to your partner's divinity is all about.
Trust me, your partner will notice if you enter the bedroom with this mindset. Whether setting the standard in a new relationship or revitalising a sexual bond in a bit of a rut, I guarantee that taking a page out of Tantra will re-energise your bond.
If you think that tantric sex is quiet and tame, think again.
Just because you're going slow does NOT mean it's a timid, shy act. On the contrary, if you take the time to learn how to be present and gain a deep, intimate connection during sex, some wild feelings and sensations will come up.
And getting wild is a part of it!
The sounds we make during sex are intuitive and come from different parts of our bodies.
Think about it — our sounds during sexual arousal vary from light, wispy moans to deep, guttural grunts. Being in tune with these sounds — and allowing yourself to make them — is a key part of tantric sex. This is how sex becomes a full-body experience.
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