As we show appreciation towards women this March, you may be wondering what else you can do besides taking them out on a date or buying them a gift or flowers. Supporting a woman is more than just surprising her during International Women’s Day. It’s about being able to truly support her every step of the way.
How to Not Support Her
When people think of men supporting women, what tends to come to mind is the age-old stereotype of being the financial provider. There are other ways to support her aside from spending money. But because of this societal expectation, men may end up neglecting other ways that they could show up. Please note that there’s nothing wrong with willingly choosing to be the provider. If that’s what both you and your partner want, then it’s all good.
However, if you feel obligated or pressured, it may be time to change the dynamic or the relationship. Open communication and a willingness to meet in the middle are vital skills for any relationship, especially a romantic connection, to thrive. Also, “throwing money” at your partner is never going to be able to substitute meeting the rest of her needs, such as being emotionally present. It also shouldn’t be used as a crutch for dealing with unresolved issues or conflicts.
7 Ways to Show Women That You Care
Now that we have tackled the number one misconception of what supporting a woman means, it’s time to delve into how you can express your adoration for her. Here are seven underrated ways in which you can treasure the amazing women in your life:
Do Half of the Chores
While the mindset has been shifting regarding traditional gender roles, women still tend to find themselves handling most of the household chores. Chores can be time-consuming, and they can also add to the mental load of your partner. Keep in mind that, these days, women are expected to contribute half of the expenses, as is fair when striving for true gender equality. However, they also tend to shoulder the bulk of the chores. And if there’s a child in the mix, they’re also expected to take the lead there because they’re the “mother.”
All this can end up draining the women around you (which may make them crankier too). So, as an adult, do your half of the chores. It doesn’t have to be an exact split, which means you don’t necessarily need to do the dishes half the time. But you need to do your part. So, if you’re good at cooking, you can take on that responsibility. If she loves cleaning the house, she can take on that role. Again, communicate. Find the delegation that works for both of you and approach chores as a team.
Split Parenting Duties
We already touched on how women are expected to be the primary caretakers for the kids. But again, it should be a team effort. Both of you played an equal part in creating the beautiful lives you are now responsible for. This means that both of you are equally responsible. If your baby is bottle-fed, for example, make sure that you are also helping with that. Of course, you can’t really delegate things like breastfeeding. In which case, find something that you can do to help.
Don’t wait for your wife or partner to tell you exactly how you should parent your child. Proactively read bedtime stories or play with your children. If anything, don’t even measure how much you’re doing. Just do whatever you can. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should go overboard to the point of ignoring your own well-being. Parenting burnout can be tough to navigate. Strive for balance. Show up as best as you can, both for your family and for yourself. Remember, you matter too, and you can give more if you yourself are “full tank.”
Provide Emotional Support
This is another essential skill to have, regardless of what type of relationship you have with a woman (or anyone, really). Humans are social creatures, which means that we co-regulate and thrive when we can healthily share our emotions. But if you haven’t learned to work with your own emotions, it can be hard to fully participate emotionally with others. This can take a huge toll on your relationship. Emotional unavailability is one of the causes of breakups among couples.
It also isn’t fair for only one person to handle the emotional load of the relationship. And again, it’s give and take. This means that while you should emotionally support your woman, she should do the same in return. That’s the essence of a relationship; being there for each other. Emotionally supporting your partner can be as simple as listening to her when she wants to talk about how she feels or giving her genuine compliments. Note that, when people open up, they are usually not seeking advice. To know for sure, ask your partner.
Help Without Being Asked
Being proactive is not only critical in terms of things like your career. You should also be a self-starter in your relationships. This means, don’t wait for your partner to have to ask if you can hold the baby so she can take 30 minutes for herself. She shouldn’t have to ask. It shouldn’t even have reached that point. Again, do what you can because you CARE. And don’t approach it with a mindset of what you should be getting in return. A transactional approach to things may hurt intimacy.
Of course, make sure that the reverse doesn’t happen. You shouldn’t be the only one dealing with everything, nor should you be the one who is always “giving.” Have the awareness to know whether your relationship is still healthy. If it isn’t, call it out and calmly discuss it. Find a compromise. Because letting problems like that fester is what builds up resentment and leads to divorce or separation. Make sure that you frame everything as an “it’s you and me against the problem.”
Be Present in Appointments
You don’t have to be there all the time if there’s a scheduling conflict or both of you have agreed that she would prefer to go herself. But it would still be nice to offer to accompany the women around you to their appointments or errands. For example, if your mother is going grocery shopping, go with her so you can help carry the items back home. If your partner is going for a check-up, be there for her so she can feel reassured by your presence.
Speaking of consultations, studies have found that women tend to experience medical invalidation when seeking help for their pain. Being there to call out the doctor and help your partner advocate for herself so that she can get the treatment she needs goes a long way. And yes, in some cases, men are still taken more seriously compared to women. Also, when you accompany a woman, she is safer because she is less likely to be assaulted by another person.
Call Out Misogyny
Previously, we mentioned medical invalidation. Another thing you can do is to speak out against any kind of misogyny or discrimination that you witness against women. Of course, this doesn’t mean putting yourself in danger. But if you can stand up so that a woman can get the fair treatment that she deserves, that’s already a lot of help. Not only do you help a woman, but you also contribute collectively as you may influence others’ attitudes. You can also participate in social media campaigns to help raise awareness of the issues that still burden women.
Do What Turns Her On
Lastly, if you have a romantic or intimate relationship with a woman, make sure that you’re also paying attention to her pleasure. It’s a common complaint of women that some guys tend to engage in sexual intercourse without any kind of foreplay (not everyone likes this, so it’s important to communicate). Another sexual pain point is how men tend to stop sex the moment they have climaxed. These are very inconsiderate things to do to your partner. Sex should be amazing for both of you.
If you’re not sure how to satisfy her, you can ask her about what she wants in bed. You may also read the book “She Comes First” by Ian Kerner. Now, if the issue is something like sexual dysfunction, work with your partner to find ways for sex to be pleasurable for both of you, then seek professional help. You aren’t only doing it for her. When you have erectile dysfunction or premature ejaculation, it’s often a symptom of underlying conditions that can worsen over time.
Final Thoughts
If you’re looking for inspiration on how to be there for the women you love, the steps outlined here will be a good start. However, always remember that you know them better than anyone else. So, use that wisdom to be able to cherish them in ways no one else will. May you share a beautiful bond that lasts a lifetime with all your female loved ones!
